How To Love Your Life As a Mom

Her kids are always impeccably dressed and they behave like perfect little angels. Flowers always fill her home as a gift from her husband. Their marriage is a match made in heaven. You know those HGTV Dream Homes—yeah that is her house.

She is THE perfect mom and you dream about having HER life…all…the…time.

The problem is—she’s not real.

The Perfect Mom Doesn’t Exist

I don’t know one mom who has a perfect life, and according to a recent poll you don’t either and yet, you still feel the pressure to be her.

“While 84% of moms believe the stereotype of the “perfect mom” is an outdated standard, nine out of 10 moms still feel pressure to be perfect, new data shows.”¹

I’m with you, I know how you feel. I feel that pressure too.

I Used to Love Her Life

It was 2012 and I was 34 years old when my husband and I got married. Two years later I became a mom to our son. As most first time moms can attest to, I felt nowhere near the ideal perfect mom. I was nursing my son and surviving on coffee. The dishes and laundry were piled up high.

My husband would come home from work and ask, “What did you do today?” Unfortunately, I took offense because to me, I felt like he was questioning me, like I hadn’t done anything all day. In reality, he genuinely wanted to know about my day.

Was I enjoying motherhood? Not so much. Not once had I ever imagined that I would be beyond exhausted as a mom, but that was me. I was the mom who was failing as a stay at home mom.

I didn’t love my love my life as a mom—at all.

My appearance and my emotions were just as disheveled as my home. I was struggling with the “I should be this. I should do this.” I was trying to be The Perfect Mom and it just wasn’t possible.

The problem was that I loved her life, not mine.

We Think We Need to be Perfect

Overwhelm happens to us as moms because we spend our time comparing ourselves to what we think is The Perfect Mom.

In the process we lose sight of ourselves—what we are good at and what things we really love.

But, overwhelm and comparison don’t have to take over your life. The Perfect Mom doesn’t have to be the standard you need to live up to. You can love your life, not hers.

To love your life—you need to do what you love.

Do What You Love

I needed an oil change for our truck, so I called the local dealership to schedule an appointment. After several rings, I finally heard a woman say in a monotone voice, “Hello, [name of dealership]”. There was an uncomfortable pause and then I explained why I was calling. The woman responded by saying “Okay” and then I was placed on hold.

After for a couple of minutes, a man named Norman answered with a warm and friendly voice. I am willing to bet that he was smiling too while he was talking to me.

Two days later I showed up to get my oil changed and I immediately recognized the woman who has answered the phone. This poor girl looked just as disappointed in life as she sounded on the phone and Norman on the other hand, greeted me with a handshake and a smile.

The girl clearly didn’t love what she was doing. She didn’t love her life and I felt it, meanwhile, Norman loved what he was doing and I got to experience that too!

Norman wasn’t perfect, but he was the best service manager I have ever met. The same is true for you as a mom. You don’t have to be perfect—to be the best.

Let’s talk about how you can be your best (not perfect) and love your life as a mom.

How to Love Your Life As a Mom

1. Dream again—for a hope and a future.

It’s easy to say motherhood is hard, we’re raising tiny humans. It’s true—they are tiny for now, but look out to the future to what they are becoming—adults.

This might be a little hard at first, but start dreaming again about what things you want for your kids. I’m not talking physical things but rather what do you want for your kids to have or be like when they leave your home?

Instead of raising tiny humans, start to think you’re raising “responsible, trustworthy adults.”

2. Write down those things that energize you—the things you love and the things you are good at.

The first time I did this, I cried. Yes, it was emotional because I realized very quickly that the things that I really enjoyed and that energized me were not a part of my life at the time.

No wonder I was feeling drained. I wasn’t filling myself up! Since we are all different, your list will be unique to you. Be willing to set some uninterrupted time for this one—and maybe a box of tissues.

3. Be the fun mom! Have fun doing what you love with your kids.

I love a clean kitchen. Clean counters, shiny sinks, and clean kitchen floors is my love language and yet I absolutely love to bake also. When it comes to doing what I love with my kids, I ditch the clean for a moment

Honestly this is a super hard one for me, but instead I let my son bake with me. It’s definitely a messy sight but he loves baking with me and I love baking with him. He’s learning and discovering and we’re making memories together that will last for years to come.

4. Build a Village

There’s an old familiar saying that says it takes a village to raise a child—and it has application today too! One of the first things I learned as a mom is that I am not good at everything and I won’t be, but God has surrounded me with a village.

There are other moms around me that can do things way better than I can. What a gift! You can do what your good at and then lean on other moms to fill in the gaps with what they are good at.

You both win!

You can encourage your friends by recognizing what they are good and inviting them to positively make a difference in your kids’ lives.

The Best Mom Ever

When we start integrating the things we love into motherhood—we are the best mom ever to our kids. It taps into what drives us and excites us. In the process we model something to our kids—a joy and excitement for life. It lets your kids know that they can do the same too—discover what energizes them!

Living What You Love

I have a friend named Alisa and she is raising 5 children. Her desire is to have her girls grow up being secure in who they are.

Yet, the world is telling them a different story. Everywhere you turn, you see girls shirts say “Check Meowt” and “My best friend is a unicorn”.

Instead of just accepting it, being frustrated by it, or complaining to her girlfriends—she did something about it. She got to work creating a t-shirt collection with her daughters in mind. It’s called The Virtuous Collection.

Each shirt has a virtue that she wants to develop in her girls—or it’s something that she already sees in them.

Not only is Alyssa doing something that she loves, by creating encouraging and inspiring t–shirts, but she’s doing something that aligns with what she wants for her kid’s future.

1. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/04/07/perfect-moms-dont-exist-real-moms-do/100163418/ accessed on 12/9/2017.

Fear Sabotages Flourishing

About three weeks ago, I did something that I have never done before. I signed up for a 5K race for the morning of Thanksgiving. I decided it’s about time I put my “positive thinking” to the test. You can read more about it in my post I Am What I Dream To Be. Don’t…

Health Wellness · Self Care

2 Practical Tips for Making Self Care a Priority + Self Care Ideas List

It’s seems like everywhere I turn, someone is talking about the importance of practicing self care. And while I love me a good pedicure or manicure, those tips for self care aren’t really going to help you in the long run. Why? Because the effects of a manicure…like the nail polish they put on…it wears…

You want to live healthy, and you know you'll be better for it. But, what do you lose if you don't? Healthy living will be simple, if you start with why.

Emotional Health · Health Wellness · Mental Health

Healthy Living Starts With Why

My husband has a sweet tooth and a great love for food. I’d have moments where I’d feel like he was making progress overcoming sugar, only to find a package of Twizzlers stashed away in the console of his truck. Upon discovering it, I’d simply look at him with, a look of, why? He would…

Health Wellness · Mental Health

What You Say to Yourself Matters

“She’s just become one of those people who thinks the answer to living healthy is taking those pills.” The words stung when I heard them for the first time. She was talking about me. It had come out of the mouth of someone—who was a good friend. She had known me for years. I was…

Emotional Health · Health Wellness · Mental Health · Physical Health

Are Your Decisions Leading You to The Best You

I had been in band from the time I was in fourth grade, but my sophomore year I was faced with a very tough decision. Do I stick with it or do I quit? The problem was that my teacher was very vocally abusive to me. It seemed like any chance she could get—she would…

Grow In Faith · Health Wellness · Lifestyle

What Is My Purpose In Life? A Different But Hopeful Answer

One Summer afternoon. I was sitting on the couch, eyes staring at the ceiling. But I wasn’t just enjoying the summer sunlight streaming through the window. I was desperately asking the question, “What is my purpose in life?” I had been unemployed for nearly six months. Even though I had submitted my resume to many…

12 Comments

I love this! I can definitely get sucked into the pressure of trying to be perfect and it never turns out well. Thank you for the reminder to just let some things go and focus on the thing s that matter!

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Thank you, Marinda, for sharing! I’m so glad you were encouraged.

Reply

This is a topic all moms need to revisit OFTEN. In each stage of life, we may find ourselves not loving it like we loved the last stage. Thank you for sharing your tips and wisdom!

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Thank you, Christi! I like too how you said, “we may find ourselves not loving one it, like we loved the last stage.” Great point!

Reply

Sonya, what a great post!! Matter of a fact, I just read a post by Holley Gerth (www.holleygerth.com) that goes hand-in-hand with your post. She said that it isn’t a matter of self esteem, but one of having holy confidence. I love how you shared some specific ways to be our “best” and to love our lives as moms. As a momma to 3 boys, I need to put this into action!!! Thank you!

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Oh! Emily! This just blesses my heart! Thank you, too, for sharing what Holly Gerth wrote. I love that—”having holy confidence”. I’ll have to go check it out. Hope my stories have inspired some ways you can love on those boys! I was just talking with Jennifer Love from http://www.intentionaltraditions.com on Instagram about “boys, baking, and dirt”. It’s funny how even as boy–moms, those boys love to do the things we love to do too!

Reply

Sonya – Oh boy, do I remember those days as a young mom comparing and just trying to get it right and sometimes being someone or something that I wasn’t. You post and message is a much needed one in the world today not just for moms, but for women in general. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and this powerful truth. We are neighbors over at Holley’s #CoffeeForYourHeart today. Blessings

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Thank you, sweet Debbie, for your kind words! Thank you, too for saying hello! I’ll stop by for a visit, neighbor. 🙂

Reply

Don’t love her life, love your life. Amen! When I really think about it, I want my life, but it can be easy in the moment to compare!

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Thanks, Sarah, for your comment! Keep persevering, girl! When you catch yourself in the comparison—stand firm on the truth and say to yourself, that She’s got nothing on you. Only, you can be the best at what God has created you to be!

Reply

I love these tips. My mom was the “fun mom” and I had no idea she struggled with all of this until later in life. I don’t remember her “trying to do it all”, I had no idea she was trying, she was just fun! I know now that the goal is not a balanced life but a prioritized life. Thank you for posting this!

Healthy Living Mom says:

at

Hi Jessie! I really appreciate you sharing that your mom was the “fun mom” and that you eventually learned that she struggled as well. It helps all of us to see that mom life is challenging—even for those who seem like they have it all together. That speaks very highly of your mom and her perseverance to love you well no matter how challenging it may have been at times. Thank you for sharing this with us! P.S. I totally agree with you, “it’s not about a balanced life” but one that focuses on what matters most.

Reply