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How To Love Your Life As a Mom

She has the perfect life. Your thoughts are often consumed with, “If only you could be just like her—then you would love your life as a mom”.

You know who I’m talking about. That mom that seems to have her life all together.

She’s caring, kind, and always patient—not to mention stunningly beautiful.

Her kids are always impeccably dressed and they behave like perfect little angels. Flowers always fill her home as a gift from her husband. Their marriage is a match made in heaven. You know those HGTV Dream Homes—yeah that is her house.
She is THE perfect mom and you dream about having HER life…all…the…time.
The problem is—she’s not real.

The Perfect Mom Doesn’t Exist

I don’t know one mom who has a perfect life, and according to a recent poll you don’t either and yet, you still feel the pressure to be her.
“While 84% of moms believe the stereotype of the “perfect mom” is an outdated standard, nine out of 10 moms still feel pressure to be perfect, new data shows.”1
I’m with you, I know how you feel. I feel that pressure too.

I Used to Love Her Life

It was 2012 and I was 34 years old when my husband and I got married. Two years later I became a mom to our son. As most first time moms can attest to, I felt nowhere near the ideal perfect mom. I was nursing my son and surviving on coffee. The dishes and laundry were piled up high.
My husband would come home from work and ask, “What did you do today?” Unfortunately, I took offense because to me, I felt like he was questioning me, like I hadn’t done anything all day. In reality, he genuinely wanted to know about my day.
Was I enjoying motherhood? Not so much. Not once had I ever imagined that I would be beyond exhausted as a mom, but that was me. I was the mom who was failing as a stay at home mom.
I didn’t love my love my life as a mom—at all.
My appearance and my emotions were just as disheveled as my home. I was struggling with the “I should be this. I should do this.” I was trying to be The Perfect Mom and it just wasn’t possible.

The problem was that I loved her life, not mine.

How to Love Your Life As a Mom | Overwhelm happens to us as moms because we spend our time comparing ourselves to what we think is The Perfect Mom. In the process we lose sight of ourselves—what we are good at and what things we really love. But, overwhelm and comparison don’t have to take over your life. The Perfect Mom doesn’t have to be the standard you need to live up to. You can love your life, not hers.

We Think We Need to be Perfect

Overwhelm happens to us as moms because we spend our time comparing ourselves to what we think is The Perfect Mom.
In the process we lose sight of ourselves—what we are good at and what things we really love.
But, overwhelm and comparison don’t have to take over your life. The Perfect Mom doesn’t have to be the standard you need to live up to. You can love your life, not hers.
To love your life—you need to do what you love.

Do What You Love

I needed an oil change for our truck, so I called the local dealership to schedule an appointment. After several rings, I finally heard a woman say in a monotone voice, “Hello, [name of dealership]”. There was an uncomfortable pause and then I explained why I was calling. The woman responded by saying “Okay” and then I was placed on hold.
After for a couple of minutes, a man named Norman answered with a warm and friendly voice. I am willing to bet that he was smiling too while he was talking to me.
Two days later I showed up to get my oil changed and I immediately recognized the woman who has answered the phone. This poor girl looked just as disappointed in life as she sounded on the phone and Norman on the other hand, greeted me with a handshake and a smile.
The girl clearly didn’t love what she was doing. She didn’t love her life and I felt it, meanwhile, Norman loved what he was doing and I got to experience that too!
Norman wasn’t perfect, but he was the best service manager I have ever met. The same is true for you as a mom. You don’t have to be perfect—to be the best.
Let’s talk about how you can be your best (not perfect) and love your life as a mom.

How to Love Your Life As a Mom

1. Dream again—for a hope and a future.

It’s easy to say motherhood is hard, we’re raising tiny humans. It’s true—they are tiny for now, but look out to the future to what they are becoming—adults.

This might be a little hard at first, but start dreaming again about what things you want for your kids. I’m not talking physical things but rather what do you want for your kids to have or be like when they leave your home?

Instead of raising tiny humans, start to think you’re raising “responsible, trustworthy adults.”

2. Write down those things that energize you—the things you love and the things you are good at.

The first time I did this, I cried. Yes, it was emotional because I realized very quickly that the things that I really enjoyed and that energized me were not a part of my life at the time.

No wonder I was feeling drained. I wasn’t filling myself up! Since we are all different, your list will be unique to you. Be willing to set some uninterrupted time for this one—and maybe a box of tissues.

3. Be the fun mom! Have fun doing what you love with your kids.

I love a clean kitchen. Clean counters, shiny sinks, and clean kitchen floors is my love language and yet I absolutely love to bake also. When it comes to doing what I love with my kids, I ditch the clean for a moment

Honestly this is a super hard one for me, but instead I let my son bake with me. It’s definitely a messy sight but he loves baking with me and I love baking with him. He’s learning and discovering and we’re making memories together that will last for years to come.

4. Build a Village

There’s an old familiar saying that says it takes a village to raise a child—and it has application today too! One of the first things I learned as a mom is that I am not good at everything and I won’t be, but God has surrounded me with a village.

There are other moms around me that can do things way better than I can. What a gift! You can do what your good at and then lean on other moms to fill in the gaps with what they are good at.

You both win!

You can encourage your friends by recognizing what they are good and inviting them to positively make a difference in your kids’ lives.

The Best Mom Ever

When we start integrating the things we love into motherhood—we are the best mom ever to our kids. It taps into what drives us and excites us. In the process we model something to our kids—a joy and excitement for life. It lets your kids know that they can do the same too—discover what energizes them!

Living What You Love

I have a friend named Alisa and she is raising 5 children. Her desire is to have her girls grow up being secure in who they are.
Yet, the world is telling them a different story. Everywhere you turn, you see girls shirts say “Check Meowt” and “My best friend is a unicorn”.
Instead of just accepting it, being frustrated by it, or complaining to her girlfriends—she did something about it. She got to work creating a t-shirt collection with her daughters in mind. It’s called The Virtuous Collection.
Each shirt has a virtue that she wants to develop in her girls—or it’s something that she already sees in them.

Not only is Alyssa doing something that she loves, by creating encouraging and inspiring t–shirts, but she’s doing something that aligns with what she wants for her kid’s future.

1. https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2017/04/07/perfect-moms-dont-exist-real-moms-do/100163418/ accessed on 12/9/2017.
How to love your life as a mom not hers. | Pinterest

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12 Comments

  1. I love this! I can definitely get sucked into the pressure of trying to be perfect and it never turns out well. Thank you for the reminder to just let some things go and focus on the thing s that matter!

  2. This is a topic all moms need to revisit OFTEN. In each stage of life, we may find ourselves not loving it like we loved the last stage. Thank you for sharing your tips and wisdom!

  3. Sonya, what a great post!! Matter of a fact, I just read a post by Holley Gerth (www.holleygerth.com) that goes hand-in-hand with your post. She said that it isn’t a matter of self esteem, but one of having holy confidence. I love how you shared some specific ways to be our “best” and to love our lives as moms. As a momma to 3 boys, I need to put this into action!!! Thank you!

    1. Oh! Emily! This just blesses my heart! Thank you, too, for sharing what Holly Gerth wrote. I love that—”having holy confidence”. I’ll have to go check it out. Hope my stories have inspired some ways you can love on those boys! I was just talking with Jennifer Love from http://www.intentionaltraditions.com on Instagram about “boys, baking, and dirt”. It’s funny how even as boy–moms, those boys love to do the things we love to do too!

  4. Sonya – Oh boy, do I remember those days as a young mom comparing and just trying to get it right and sometimes being someone or something that I wasn’t. You post and message is a much needed one in the world today not just for moms, but for women in general. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and this powerful truth. We are neighbors over at Holley’s #CoffeeForYourHeart today. Blessings

  5. Don’t love her life, love your life. Amen! When I really think about it, I want my life, but it can be easy in the moment to compare!

    1. Thanks, Sarah, for your comment! Keep persevering, girl! When you catch yourself in the comparison—stand firm on the truth and say to yourself, that She’s got nothing on you. Only, you can be the best at what God has created you to be!

  6. I love these tips. My mom was the “fun mom” and I had no idea she struggled with all of this until later in life. I don’t remember her “trying to do it all”, I had no idea she was trying, she was just fun! I know now that the goal is not a balanced life but a prioritized life. Thank you for posting this!

    1. Hi Jessie! I really appreciate you sharing that your mom was the “fun mom” and that you eventually learned that she struggled as well. It helps all of us to see that mom life is challenging—even for those who seem like they have it all together. That speaks very highly of your mom and her perseverance to love you well no matter how challenging it may have been at times. Thank you for sharing this with us! P.S. I totally agree with you, “it’s not about a balanced life” but one that focuses on what matters most.

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